The NofNA Store


The NofNA T-shirt. While supplies last!

Price:   $9.99

Extra large
Halo Brain Cap

A delightful cap made out of plush, nappy Artesian Corduroy. Show off your gyri where others can see 'em... for real! Price: $19.95, small size only

Price:   $9.99

NofNA Pain Gloves

Human arms strike like a club. But what if the power of the human arm could be combined with that of the animal talon? Now it can! With these stylish gloves for the 21st century. Mace is worthless if you don't have it in your hand when you need it. But your NofNA pain gloves will always be on hand. Show your assailants what it means to fight like an animal.

Price:   $59.99

Extra glass
NofNA Cooking Class

For a limited time only! This gorgeous golden collector's VHS contains both "Your Kitchen is Too Clean" and "The Food Is Filled With My Hair (But I Didn't Mean For It To Turn Out That Way)". Two classic cooking courses enable you to create animal society's finest cuisine in your own anthropologically superior abode! As a bonus, you receive the WobbleBowls cooking set and WobbleCups measuring cups, to experience animal cooking as if a real animal had been in your kitchen, cooking your food and making a godawful mess in the process! Fire insurance now included.

Price:   $35.99 + $1,199 monthly premium on the 20-year plan.

NofNA Joke Book

A good joke is a rare animal these days. How many racial denominations must be kept in mind before you let loose that tentative slur? How many peoples' pasts must you take into account in order to avoid suits for podiatric surgery? How many people have heard this one before? Can you even get to the end of the joke before breaking down into laughter yourself, ruining your joke cool? None of these are an issue with the NofNA Joke Book. Using patented Direct2Funny technology, the NofNA Joke Book teamed linguists with neurologists to create carefully researched word mantras which, when spoken, directly stimulate the neurological areas responsible for the apprehension of humor. Have your chums in stiches telling them what you ate for dinner yesterday! Even the most banal anecdotes will leave your friends' tables bedecked with the nose milk of success. Orders before March 12th receive the Joke Book 2 Go absolutely free. Now you can tell great jokes.. on the go! And that's................. no joke.

Price:   $8,259.99

NofNA WV50

Bind those carbon feet with the NofNA WV50 motorcycle. Made entirely out of natural elements, the WV50 uses the power of the wind whisking through the leaves on the trees to propel you to your destination with guiltless style. The NYC model features a long-travel suspension for those neglected, truck-torn roads. Become empowered by the very natural resources you consume! And use them to get to the mall. Top speed is 5 kph.

Price:   $34,999.99

NofNA Depression Strangler

Smother your post-arc depression with this NofNA-brand area 25 deep-brain stimulator. The forest green of the power controller inserted discreetly beneath your collarbone tells everyone you've finally got that depression killed dead. Never be sad again!

Price:   $4,000,000.00

Signed by Helen Mayberg
Laser etching of Fiat on controller surface--Glows in the dark!
Time Pygg

Ever do something (like read NofNA... or watch youtube videos) and wish you could get that spent time back? Now you can, with the Time Pygg. Made in Germany of the finest designer superstrings, the Time Pygg looks adorable perched atop your CRT monitor. Simply push in the snout to start the spacetime sypersymmetrical branching process, and push again when you're absolutely certain you want that time spent since the first press back. We are not responsible for cataclysmic thread interlacing.

Price:   $8,899,975.99

Aluminium (UK only)
NofNA Pets

Back by popular demand! Own the characters from your favorite arc! We get all of our pets from HotBlood Exotics in Treacle, Arizona. They are raised to be in excellent physical condition, with a little abusive father here or some PTSD there for that HOT BLOOD touch! Forget Pokémon... train these amazing animals yourselves with your own style! Then put them in a jar and shake it to see if they fight. Jar not included.

Wolf (Maned): $89,099.99
Wolf (Regular): $19,999.99
Cat: $9.99
Tamandua: $8,999.99
Long-Eared Jerboa: Male: $4,999.99 Female: $19,999.99
Degu: $899.99


(C) 2009 NofNA Logistic Solutions. Products possibly maybe made in China, maybe