Syconium
209

October 10th, 2017






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Syconium, page 225 by: Botany December 9, 2017, 1:51 am

Kai,

Almost all of what I ever wanted from either my rapist, my father, or the system that tied it all together, was for them to reconcile it as best they could. $17 thousand in disability for myself was at least enough for me to move away from my family ranch, but it wasn't enough. You could've tacked on digit after digit to five others and it still wouldn't be enough because... It's just not about money. Even with me being $14K in credit card debt right now and having another $800 in a tab I gotta pay back, it's not enough.

Because all I ever really needed was for everyone to be better to everyone else than they were to me.

I can't blame most of them. The system, sure, but my father? My rapist?

The difference between you and them, is that if you reconciled whatever you did, you understood your duty to be better. You understood the Syconium you became entangled in and you got yourself out of it.

That's not taking blame in my book. Fixating on yourself and your actions can only become it's own pit. I feel so strongly against the word sorry, not because it never quelled my father's temper. But because it taught me to focus on myself. What I did. Not what I put others through, not what I could do to make it right.

What you want, is the courage, the sisu, in your weakness.

Brave are the weak. Cowardly are the strong. Enslaved by the Subjective Definition that is the most logical, easy to rationalize course of action.

Take your weakness as Eckhart's Hell. Allow yourself to burn towards your liberation.

There was nothing excusable that you did or Streaks has done.

But I may intentionally butcher that full metal jacket quote:

Inside of every Vader is an Anakin trying to get out.

Whether or not that ever happens is another matter.

Everyone deserves their own peace. However they get it, whatever they did.

I never said I wanted Streaks "Off The Hook."

I just hope everyone gets what I still haven't.
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Syconium, page 5 by: December 5, 2017, 7:33 pm

@18 And with that, now I fully understand what's going on in this page. My mind is blown. (I am not suited for in-depth NofNA analysis, evidently.) Thank you.
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Solar System, page 558 by: Connor December 10, 2017, 10:11 am

Wow.

What a story this was.

You know, after all that, I really hoped they might make it home. But, damn, what a way to go.

It's a fitting end.
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